


By Any Other Name

by trialanderror12



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Clint is Not Appreciative, Crack, Loki is Not Amused, M/M, Octopi & Squid, Tony is an ass, did i mention crack, is that seriously a preexisting tag, put-upon Loki, ridiculous sea monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3293576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trialanderror12/pseuds/trialanderror12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is the newest Avenger. No one is more put out by this than Loki himself. </p><p>(Not even Clint. Really.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Any Other Name

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a break from the Thor!angst I’m trying to write. Odin sucks. Have some crack.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me,” said Loki, eyeing the thousand-foot-tall octopus monster thing that was slowly rising out of the Atlantic, sending strange toothy torpedoes flying from its flailing arms. “Remind me again why I’m here defending these Midgardian fools from their own nonsensical calamities?”

Thor raised a brow and replied without so much as turning to look at him, already scanning the emerging scene before them with the trained eye of a true warrior who had led countless soldiers to battle. “Because I care about these people, and you care about what I care about.” 

“Whenever did you get so irritatingly perceptive?” Loki side-eyed Thor, waving his hand to knock two deformed-baby-fish-missiles out of the sky. 

Thor flung Mjolnir behind him with a shrug, catching three more (and a fourth on the return strike). “Probably somewhere around the time you grew a heart,” he returned, zooming off suddenly to scoop three civilians out of the path of yet another chomping head. 

“Not amused!” Loki called after him, falling back a bit to monitor the team’s present progress. He spotted Hawkeye a block down from Thor, in the path of a veritable sea of the things, far too many to take out at once. Countless arrows speared the creatures two and three at a time, but Loki could see clearly it wouldn’t be enough. After a long moment of indecision he’d never admit to Thor he decided to intervene, swirling his fingers gracefully to form a dark net of energy that captured the remaining five before pulling it taut and out of existence with one more swift motion. 

Clint glared up at him with even more than the usual hatred, not a drop of either fear at the near-miss or gratitude at escaping it on his face. “Fuck off!” he snapped, letting loose an arrow that narrowly missed Loki’s ear, and Loki rolled his eyes and changed its direction with another twist of his wrist, sending it spiraling back down to stab another fish between the eyes—just before it could bite off the left half of Clint’s head.

This earned him another glare, but at least Clint seemed to realize he couldn’t fight both Loki and the piranha things at once, and he settled for flipping Loki off as he leapt to the top of the nearest building to take out a dozen more.

 _Honestly._ These people were simply beyond insufferable.

Most of the Avengers were on damage control, cutting the things into fish sticks and leaping tall buildings with a single bound to save wailing bystanders from certain death. But Thor was following after Hawkeye toward the great creature itself, heading off the source of the disaster before things could get any worse.

A bolt of lightning and seven or eight arrows stabbed the giant eye in the center at the same time, and the great form of the Hulk came crashing down atop it moments afterward, quickly followed by a sharp thrust from Mjolnir. The octopus thing exploded, purple guts and bluish-green blood flying out to cover half of New York. The sky began raining splintered fish heads and tails moments later, and a thick blob of purple/green goo slid slowly down into Loki’s eye. He wiped it away with careful, controlled calm and fixed his best death glare on Stark (who couldn’t really see him from where he was diving down into the ocean, suit and all, to rinse off, but since this whole bloody mess was his fault to start with Loki figured the thought counted).

“I am billing you for damaging my hair and the cost of dry-cleaning,” Loki told him over the comm, voice eerily calm. Stark emerged from the ocean and gave Loki a patronizing thumbs-up, turning to head in the direction of the Tower. 

“Sure thing, buddy. Gotta stay all pretty for the God of Thunder, right?” Loki sent an energy bolt toward his back, but Stark simply swooped down into the safety of the tower, his cocky laughter vibrating in Loki’s ears.

Loki _despised_ having friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Now I really want Thor/Loki/Tony. Anybody?


End file.
